By Jamie Schnell, who co-wrote this Five Things with her friend Lynette (photographed above), before Lynette died
This was all in the journey of my friend Lynette into her new life, heaven bound. Her own words helped create this list.
There were many times, where I'd watch her sleep and think she was taking her last breath. She'd wake up, and I'd say, ‘oh my god, I thought you died' and she'd turn to me, laugh and say, ‘this is what death looks like’.
Face it, fear it, whatever you need to do, but it look it straight in the eye, do not sugarcoat it, and FEEL IT.
No matter how much you plan, it's never enough time. Life and all its plans can change in a moment.
Death keeps you guessing all the way to the end. There were "end days" to brand new days to grey and dehydrated days, to delirious days, to days full of laughter and days full of pain, fear and tears.
No one should suffer. Lynette once told me that although she was graced with a month longer than the doctors gave her, she also bought a month more of suffering. Lynette passed away exactly four months from her diagnosis. Cancer is horrible and I will hate it forever.
Say EVERYTHING you need to say. Even if you don't think it's important. There's so much time after a loved one dies of wishing for one last goodbye, one last word, one last hug, one last kiss. Have those uncomfortable conversations. Have those mushy, feely ones. Make those twisted jokes. At best, it's a mere distraction from the awful sadness that's in front of your face. And sometimes it's a realistic and much needed conversation for post mortem planning. Death can come in an instant, in a millisecond of life. And sometimes death is stretched out through time. Knowing this leaves no room for the unsaid. Ever.
An added #6 comes after death. Speaking of your loved one. Keeping their legacy living like a fragrant breeze. It's the time after death that's even more vulnerable. It's a larger level of solitude living with death in your sadness. That's when we need people the most. And that's when it seems the most disappointing, because it's the most uncomfortable for those people. And they freeze because they don't know what to say or do, and that in itself doesn't live up to the expectations you hold silently in your heart. And the truth is death is inconvenient and uncomfortable (refer to #5) and you just want to scream your level of discomfort. But all it does is land in a hallway of brokenhearted echoes.
Say their name. Her name is Lynette.
And I love her.
And her amazing laugh will always echo in my broken heart.
About Jamie Schnell
”My friend Lynette had her gallbladder removed but continued to have problems. She was diagnosed in November 2019 with colon cancer and passed away four months later. Lynette helped me create her Five Things. I am forever blessed with walking with her through this journey.“
You can follow Jamie on Instagram and on Facebook.
