Pain is not the connection, love is. I was too afraid to allow joy to enter my life for fear that my connection would diminish. When I allowed the pain to soften, I realized my connection is the love shared and that continues to grow.
There is no one right way to grieve. Many people gave me advice, they told me what I ‘should’ be doing and how to grieve. I tried all the shoulds. When I began to listen to my own voice, I took what worked for me and left the rest. I knew how to grieve in the best way for me.
Grief is exhausting. I felt like I did ‘nothing’ and found myself completely exhausted. I learned self-compassion. Grief is hard work and when I gave myself space to just be with my grief I no longer felt bad about doing ‘nothing’.
Seeking support is not a sign of weakness. Support comes in many forms, peer support groups, counsellors, community organizations and clergy. It is ok to not be ok. Seeking support can be a valuable part of finding hope.
Grief will last longer for me than for those around me. I found that after the funeral so many returned to their ‘normal’ lives, seemingly less affected. It took me more time. All that was okay, it wasn’t a statement on any of us, just a reality of grief.
About Glen Lord
After graduating from Boston University, Glen Lord was on the fast track to accomplishing his goal of being a CEO of a fortune 500 company. The death of his son, Noah, in 1999 derailed the life he had so carefully planned. As Glen sought a new path, he found grief resources difficult to locate, especially from others with similar experiences. This realization fuelled the founding of The Grief Toolbox and creation of the Walking Through Grief® program. Both offer information and resources from those who have been on the grief journey.
Glen is past president of the national board of directors of The Compassionate Friends. He is a sought-after keynote speaker, and workshop leader. In 2017 grief touched Glen's life again with the death of his sister and father one week apart. Once again inspired to share resources with others, he co-founded the International Grief Institute, which provides grief education, including Managing Grief in the Workplace, for professionals and peer supporters. In addition he is a managing partner of Journeys of Hope, Healing and Health LLC which provides opportunities to learn and share with other participants and presenters, while experiencing an actual journeys onboard a cruise ships.