By Emma Dutton, whose dad died from lung cancer when she was graduating from university
End of life is nothing like the movies. That poetic sequence of final words and delicate last breaths before slipping off into a dreamy sleep is nothing like real life. Death is a long (often starting weeks before someone dies) and a laborious process. I never got any final words from my dad as his ability to own his body and mind had gone days before he died.
The best-intentioned friends still won't get it - their life has kept turning, unblemished. Maybe we have all been this person in the past? Unaware at the magnitude of someone else's loss.
Loss and trauma change who you are as a person, how you act in the world and what is important to you.
Human attachments go behind a lifespan - you will still think of them, dream about them, and act in accordance with their values long after they've left.
Don't beat yourself up for however grief presents itself in you. It's part of the process and it will start to feel a little lighter on some days.
About Emma Dutton
Emma was studying Computer Science at university when her dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and passed away 18 months later. His funeral was the day before her graduation. In the last three years, Emma has been inspired by his legacy to help others through grief with empathy, compassion and community. This year, she launched Untangle alongside her friend Emily, proving a safe space for those who are grieving in a digital app. Untangle helps rebuild life after loss by connecting with like-minded people and experts so that no one has to grieve alone.
