Grief shatters you in a way that you didn’t know was possible until you are living it. There is no way to prepare for it. The physical ache in my heart was a constant reminder of my loss and acute awareness life would never be the same. However, in those darkest moments there were tiny glimmers of light. My dad’s death showed me how I kept my emotions locked away out of fear. This piece of self awareness has been invaluable and I will continue to embrace vulnerability.
I realized how much of my life was being consumed by stress and fears. It robbed me from living in the moment and kept me stuck in fear. Loss made me realize how much I needed to be present. In those moments I was able to find the slightest amount of peace. Now I truly understand how important it is to make the most of my life. Let go of limiting beliefs and go after what I want.
Grief can be so lonely. Most people don’t know what to say when you lose someone you love. To me it was the silence that spoke the loudest. When the texts and calls stopped coming I felt so empty. I wanted so desperately to talk about my dad but it felt like no one wanted to listen. Friends please keep checking in, ask if you can share stories or memories about the loved one they lost.
The early weeks of grief felt like a complete out of body experience. There were moments when everything felt normal and seconds later the world felt like it was falling apart. The emotions would come hard and fast. I was constantly shifting between what was and what will never be. Going out in public was too overwhelming, everything seemed like it was closing in on me.
Not feeling sadness scares me. In some ways feeling so heavy and broken felt like my dad was close by still. It’s almost like the emotions were the last connection that I had to him. It’s been hard to keep moving forward when every step forward takes me further away from the last time we spoke.
About Victoria Hopkins
Victoria Hopkins is an intuitive empath an aspiring writer. She is the owner of Victoria Hopkins-Intuitive Wellness where she shares the power of reconnecting to your shadow self.
July 4th 2019 will forever be the day that changed everything. She got the call that her dad had a heart-attack while on vacation. The sudden loss of her dad, Steve Hall broke her. Since then she’s made it mission to share her journey with grief and loss. The hope is that she can use her experience as teachable moments for others who are living with loss.
She lives at home with her husband and 3 kids. You can follow Victoria on Instagram.