By Alice Miller, whose brother Elliott died from a rare cancer at the age of 21
Waiting for someone to die is worse than the moment they actually do. There is almost relief when they finally die, because the anxiety from waiting goes away.
People grieve in different ways, just because someone’s way of grieving doesn’t match yours, doesn’t mean they aren’t grieving.
Smoothies are great when you don’t feel like eating much. Friends who cut up and individually bag smoothie ingredients to keep in the freezer are even better.
Slow down and be selfish. I was so hyper aware of everyone’s attention on me - I’m the girl whose brother died - that I put way too much energy into worrying about how I would be perceived. When Elliott died at 4am the first thing I did was write a post letting all my friends know. I went back to work after a week and walked into the office smiling. I didn’t want people to think I couldn’t cope with what was being thrown at me. I wish I’d taken a little more time at the very beginning just to slow down and look after myself.
When you’re ready, take on new challenges that will make you feel accomplished. For me, I’ve tried to take on a new physical challenge every year to raise money for charity. So far I’ve done two half marathons, an ocean swim and a corporate boxing event. I do these things because he can’t, and he is always the one pushing me through if I am doubting myself. Accomplishing something you never thought you’d be able to do helps bring meaning into your life when it’s crashing down around you, is a way to pay tribute to your lost one, and in some instances an amazing way to raise money to help fight back against the causes of their death.
Alice Miller and her brother, Elliott
Elliott
About Alice Miller
”I lost my amazing and talented brother, Elliott, to a rare form of cancer at age 21 in March 2016. He died within 6 months of diagnosis, after the tumour in his jaw spread to his lungs and he essentially suffocated to death. My Mum bravely blogged throughout the journey and has since turned that into a book. For more details and to read about Elliott’s cancer journey you can visit our website.”
