By Stacey Heale, whose partner Greg was diagnosed with stage IV bowel cancer in 2016
The stress and pain of someone else's illness can make others ill. I was investigated for a suspected brain tumour because of a three month headache that was in fact brought on by stress. I also ended up in A&E for three days with a stress related asthma attack.
There are many secrets within a cancer diagnosis. There are many whispered conversations and unpalatable thoughts. Working out who is ready to accept different realities and who knows what can feel like dancing around a minefield.
Not all cancer drugs and treatments are available on the NHS. There is a two tier system within the UK between those treated privately and those not. This affects outcomes and ultimately takes lives. Read that again and take it in.
It can be easy to feel like a cancer 'loser', especially through the lens of social media. While there is a great community online, to see others flourishing in a way that you sometimes can't can be a further kick in the teeth.
Being strong can be a poisoned chalice; it is the acceptable face of trauma and one that people love to see. It is resilience that's more important, to be given the space to fall and break... but get back up again.
About Stacey Heale
Stacey Heale was a fashion academic until her partner Greg was diagnosed with stage IV bowel cancer in 2016. Since then, she has written the newspaper column 'Postcards From the Storm', curated the exhibition about trauma 'Everything is Now' and hosted the interactive Silver Boots Supper Club where diners are encouraged to discuss what they would do if they weren't afraid. She has also worked with Bowel Cancer UK on campaigns to support those with advanced cancer and gave a TEDx talk on the transformative power of social media during a cancer diagnosis.
